posted
O.K. i know this one came out in 1993,but it was started in the 80s so kiss my ***,here is a rewiew i did
Back in 1984 after reading some Stephen King story a group of psychotic, amish, barn rasing, sheep ****ing kids went nuts and killed all the adults in their town for the glory of "He Who Walks Behind the Rows". Well those nutty kids are back at it with a new leader and a need to sow the seeds of love (corn) with the blood of the adults. Why? Who the **** cares that's unbeatable plot. Their plans are not too quickly foiled when a pathetic tabloid journalist comes into town with his assinine son and ****s not only the local Bed & Breakfast owner but their **** up as well, with help from Native American Doctor of Sociology (or some ****), Red Bear.
The plot sounds marginal, the characters sound lame, the corn tastes good, and the movie tastes even better. Imagine the largest corn bread muffin you've eaten from Kenny Roger's Roasters... the tasty honey goodness, the sweet supple crumbliness (whether it's a real word or not is none of my concern, you know what I mean goddamnit, and you ****ing like it!), and the corn... oh GOD!!!! the sweet, sweet corn goodness. CotC is just like that muffin.... sweet, crumbly............. Okay, no it's not, but it's pretty fun none the less. Let me explain: The children kill everyone in the town... that's right, mass murder! Always a plus. When asked about it, they're only reply is: "I saw the corn". No, 'they wouldn't let me wrestle TERRY FUNK and THE BLUE MEANIE at SLAMBOREE', or 'they wouldn't buy me the Launch Octopus Playset' just 'I saw the corn'. Crazy children, that make no sense and get very upset when you touch their corn. To them everything is about the corn. Can I see the corn, will you pass the corn, not corn again, President Clinton used corn?!? The corn even kills. That poor ******* and Crazy Son of a Bitch (those are the real character names) got ****ed up hard core by the corn itself. What a shame. But if the corn didn't get them then those deviant little kids would've! The children were especially fond of preying on elderly women. The first had a house dropped on her (wicked witch symbolism) and Granny 2: The Quickening got smashed through a window by a MACK truck during BINGO. These people don't know when to stop! Wait... yes they do. When the shirt starts coming off.
This tale of terror was not without its faults. First, NO TITTY... a cardinal sin in itself, but can usually be overlooked if the flick is exemplary in other fields (which this one is not). And second... it had a pretty gay ending. Chief ****ing Sheep came back from the dead and shed a tear while he picked up some trash the white man left. I have nothing against Native American spirituality (especially if it is used to seriously **** people up) but this was pretty lame. Aside from that though, this was quite an entertaining flick. It was a lot of fun, and worth a look.
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