posted
OK, this might have been posted before, but I just got this and thought it was pretty funny and O so true...
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization (especially a Macintosh snicker, snicker!!)).
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
If you can do a series of back handsprings, you are invincible..People will throw things at you, shoot at you, and swing things at you but will always miss
Posts: 1058 | From: Echo Beach, far away in time | Registered: May 2003 | Site Updates: 8
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quote:All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
From "50 Things I'd Do If I Was An Evil Overlord": #10 - I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If such a countdown becomes unavoidable, I will set the device to activate when the counter reached 117, just as the hero is putting his plan into operation.
Posts: 3646 | From: Shermer, IL - where else? | Registered: Mar 2001 | Site Updates: 37
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posted
Well that brightened my morning! I'm always up for a good early laugh. Posts: 2242 | From: Here | Registered: Aug 2002 | Site Updates: 0
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A vegetable stand or a fruit-cart stand will be run down and demolished during a chase sequence.
(This is actually called the 'Siskel & Ebert "Fruit Cart" theory', where it seems every car chase had such a scene. There was a 1990 movie called "Ski Patrol" where there was a sign that said 'Siskel & Ebert's Fruit Cart'!) Posts: 3385 | From: Sacramento, California, USA | Registered: Sep 2002 | Site Updates: 0
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The Wizard
The 80s Hero you've been holding out for....
Member # 533
posted
Add to the fruit cart thoery:
Any car chase in a city will inevitably lead down a narrow allyway filled with empty cardboard boxes.Posts: 1334 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2002 | Site Updates: 0
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posted
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555
- they have to start with 555 because there is no phone numbers in america starting with those numbers.. if they dont start like that it could bring serious problems to the director and staff.
Posts: 65 | From: lisbon, portugal | Registered: Aug 2003 | Site Updates: 0
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Has anybody noticed that it seems most movies (especially comedy movies) are narrated by the same person and starts off with the same phrase:
"In a world..."
Comedienne Janeane Garofalo once did a routine where she did an impression of every movie trailer. She would say, "OK. Now here's my impression of every movie trailer ever made. Here it is. 'In a world...'" Posts: 3385 | From: Sacramento, California, USA | Registered: Sep 2002 | Site Updates: 0
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posted
haha i had to bump this. i started thinking of movie cliches and remembered this thread. this list is hilarious. Posts: 4807 | Registered: Oct 2002 | Site Updates: 39
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posted
If you can't think of how to finish an 80's movie just throw pies and cake at the enemy.
The bad guy always makes an over the top effort to be your best friend and insists that you stay at his house overnight and will seem very put out if the hospitality he is providing isn't up to his guests satisfaction.
When two people are talking and agree to meet up later, they just say I will see you at that place later. No specific time needed because every person in a movie has ESP.
If two people are getting chased they will always duck down an alley and hide in a dumpster. And it is very crucial to never appear that you are running as fast as you can.
The good guys can always shoot a bad guy but the good guys will never get shot and if they do it is just in the shoulder, so they can shake it off pretty quickly.
The good guys can shoot a bad guy with a pistol from two hundred metres away.
It can be non stop action the whole way through and nobody ever says, man I am dying to go to the toilet.
Without fail there will always be a station wagon used with the wood panelling down the side.
[ 17. February 2011, 01:45: Message edited by: Bernie_Lomax ]
Posts: 2586 | From: Defrauding the company from abroad | Registered: Jan 2010 | Site Updates: 24
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Valley Dated Julie From 'Valley Girl' (allegedly!)
Member # 1322
Some the best looking people in 80's high school movies are apparently trapped inside of geeks.. all I need to prove it is: a good makeover or possibly a $1,000. Posts: 7845 | From: Smiling and glancing in awe in the back of a limo | Registered: Mar 2003 | Site Updates: 22
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posted
From the "Roger Ebert's Bigger Little Movie Glossary" (1994), I give you my contribution, the "Dossier Rule"--The leader shows the hero a blurry photograph of the bad guy contained in a dossier stamped "FOR YOUR EYES ONLY" or "TERMINATE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE" and intones, "He's a member of the IRA/Red Brigade/Baader Meinhoff gang." See "Apocalypse Now." The corollary is the "Magic Lantern Rule" where the leader shows the hero a blurry projected slide of the bad guy and says, "He's a member of the IRA/Red Brigade/Baader Meinhoff Gang." See "Nighthawks."
Ebert's book is hilarious, by the way, with page after page of these movie cliches. It contains the by-now-classic "fruit cart rule," the "semi-obligatory romantic interlude," and the "push me, pull you rule," that last one referencing "Sheena" where Tania Roberts, as Sheena, has lived and survived in the dangerous jungle all her life, yet when chased by bad buys, she has to be pulled along by the hand by city slicker Ted Wass. LOL!
Posts: 2008 | From: Dixieland | Registered: Oct 2008 | Site Updates: 0
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Muffy Tepperman
Leopard-print Leotard Wearer.....
Member # 1551
posted
I'm tired of the "slow applause". That is when one person makes a speech. At first, nobody is clapping. Then one person does. And gradually, everyone else does!
Posts: 3385 | From: Sacramento, California, USA | Registered: Sep 2002 | Site Updates: 0
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posted
That's actually my one pet peeve with Can't Buy Me Love.... I hate that scene!
If you could have just seen the look on the students faces, that they somehow got it. And then Ronald walked off. That would have made the scene more poignant.
Instead, they devalued the whole thing by having a over the top "disney" moment Posts: 1278 | From: Denmark,Europe | Registered: Dec 2007 | Site Updates: 3
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-few characters ever go to the bathroom for the sole purpose of, well, going to the bathroom
-all underwater shots are usually perfectly clear, even in presumably polluted harbors
-unless explicit to the plot, all alien cultures are completely monolithic, with all beings looking exactly the same and following the same customs
-helicopters and planes can be easily piloted by complete idiots, as anyone can get them started up and airborn in less than a minute
-the surest way to make sure a loved one survives a shooting/grave natural disaster/etc. is to pound on their chest as they lie there unconscious and scream at the top of your lungs that you love them
-dogs have extra senses alerting them to the presence and identity of evil people and creatures
-the smallest of explosive can under the right circumstances cause Nagasaki-level destruction (frequently referred to as the "Atomic Grenade Principle")
-everyone's watches and clocks are always perfectly synchronized (making it even more funny in A Shot in the Dark when Clouseau can't get his synced up right for his master plan)
-drivers can take their eyes off the road for inordinate amounts of time to have conversations with their passenger(s)
-thunder and lightning almost always occur simultaneously
-the surest way to know complete chaos is about to break out on the battlefield is observing two sentriest remarking: "It's quiet." "Yeah, TOO quiet."
-corollarily, pictures of nude women are standard necessities during lights out in every army barracks, even though it stands to reason the sergeant would have removed them all long ago
-a kick to the you-know-what immediately incapacitates a villain, while heroes can take repeated blows there without any difficulties
-everyone who dies falling over a cliff will scream at the top of their lungs on the way down, even if they've just been shot 943 times in the chest
-characters frequently live in houses well beyond the rational financial limits of their stated occupation
-any object, no matter how flimsy, can become bulletproof whenever the hero needs it to be
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80'sRocked Play it Loud, Play it Proud
Member # 6979
posted
lmao! This is the first time I saw this thread. Brilliant and true.
Posts: 3614 | From: Caught Somewhere in Time.... | Registered: May 2008 | Site Updates: 101
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posted
Chris, the perfect example of drivers taking their eyes off the road for long periods of time is in the 90's movie Cliffhanger. The scene where Stallone is driving alongside the two base jumpers. Max Perlich being one of them. That scene is classic. Long periods of time without looking ahead.
Posts: 2586 | From: Defrauding the company from abroad | Registered: Jan 2010 | Site Updates: 24
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quote:Originally posted by Bernie_Lomax: Chris, the perfect example of drivers taking their eyes off the road for long periods of time is in the 90's movie Cliffhanger. The scene where Stallone is driving alongside the two base jumpers. Max Perlich being one of them. That scene is classic. Long periods of time without looking ahead.
Yeah but.... THEY LIKED IT EXTREME... WOOOOOOH *high five* SEE YOU LATER, GABE.....
Posts: 1278 | From: Denmark,Europe | Registered: Dec 2007 | Site Updates: 3
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posted
You know what I 'm talkin about That made me laugh dude.
Posts: 2586 | From: Defrauding the company from abroad | Registered: Jan 2010 | Site Updates: 24
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posted
Another movie cliche for me is in every action movie there is a scene with the good guy battling it out with the bad guy in an abandoned warehouse/ meat processing plant or something similar with large hooks overhead and machinery that somehow still works.
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