Raggedyman's posting made me think about how in the movie "Scream" they made fun of 80's horror movies and even talked about the RULES!
THE RULES!
Of course those rules didn't help some of them anyway. So what were the real rules for surviving an 80's Horror Movie?
I'll give a few of mine:
1. Never Say "I'll Be Right Back", unless you're Arnold Schwarzenegger.
2. Stay a Virgin, having sex is a sure sign that trouble is brewing. Sorry too late for several of you.
3. Don't skinny dip alone late at night, it's good viewing for male movie watchers, but not your health.
4. If you are in a group of your friends, look around. If you're a guy, sorry your night is almost over. If you're a female, one of you has a good chance of surviving, but the rest need to start running now.
5. When you arrive at the place you're babysitting or camping or before you fall a sleep at night make sure you look everywhere possible for mechetes, spearguns, hockey masks, halloween masks, or long pointy steel fingers and destroy them if at all possible.
There are so many more....what are your Rules For Surviving An 80's Horror Movie? Isis will probably say to just cover your eyes with a blanket. Posted by Stitchgroover (Member # 2895) on :
Don't ask "Who's there" at every creepy noise. Just get the hell out of there.
Don't tell your scared friend there is nothing to be afraid of. This means your death is only seconds away.
Don't drop your weapon to the floor after killing the bad guy. They never die the first time.
Posted by The Wizard (Member # 533) on :
If there's extremely bright light coming out of the keyhole and edges of a closed door, don't open it.
Posted by ISIS (Member # 1780) on :
How about: don't pee your pants when your hiding under the dresser.
Get a decent car that when you go to start it, it starts! I mean everyone in a horror movie has a piece of dirt car, that starts every time, except when they need to get a way.
If there is a group of you, and everyone is going out, and someone says I was thinking of staying here....Go out!. If you stay, you are surely a goner.
Posted by ISIS (Member # 1780) on :
Oh....when your hiding, and you think the coast is clear, never ever come out of hiding, stay there ....forever if you have to, until someone comes and gets you, as soon as you come out...your going to get it.
I personally would be hiding under the blanket, until the entire US Army showed up.
Posted by Rainbowbrite22 (Member # 2288) on :
lol those are some great rules.. lets see if i can find something to add dont mess with the dead or try to bring them back your in for trouble
Posted by Obscurus Lupa (Member # 2700) on :
Don't spout off something like, "It's not the end of the world." and don't foreshadow any future events.
Don't take showers or get naked at all.
Don't act like a complete jerk or you're gone.
Don't try to save someone from the killer--just run and remember them in peace.
Don't try to fight the killer, especially with weapons that can be turned on you.
Don't go into a kitchen--every one has the knives on clear display and well in reach.
Don't call the police--you're just sealing their deaths.
Posted by Brode (Member # 3732) on :
Be the killer.
Posted by The Wizard (Member # 533) on :
quote:Originally posted by ISIS: I personally would be hiding under the blanket, until the entire US Army showed up.
That rule wouldn't work, just look at The Monster Squad, the army turned up a bit late...
Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
When running from something or someone that is trying to kill you, DON'T RUN UPSTAIRS. My best friend says "Why do they always run UPSTAIRS?" when the front door is such an obvious exit point.
And of course my very favorite: Always cut the head off. Michael Meyers isnt really dead, Kids. He's just playing oppossum. Cut his head off. If he DOES rise and go after you the chances of you getting away will be all the better if he has no eyes!
Posted by CT......The Son Of Scarface (Member # 2903) on :
You guys left out a few:
Never! Ever! investigate the "Strange Noise" you heard coming from the Basement or The Bushes outside your window.
NO DRUGS!(especially POT!) Drugs=DEATH!
Don't go with your friends to that "Weekend At My Rich Dad" Cabin in the wood or some Condo. 9x's out of 10 you wont be returning!
If you are still alive and happen to hiding out somewhere....Don't Scream! when you see your best friends dead body with an axe stuck in his/her head. the KILLER! will hear you...That makes it easy for him to track you down and finish his job!
VALLEYCAT...This has got's to be one of the COOLEST topic's we've had in a long time Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
If your house has an attic or a basement or (God forbid) both...board em up the day you move in and vow never to go in em. If something is lurking in your house it's usually hiding in the attic or basement. (Except BAD RONALD....he's in your living room wall)
Posted by raggedyman (Member # 4065) on :
one of the most pathetically obvious ones would be DO NOT GO WALKING IN THE FOREST ALONE, IN THE DARK saying "Hello? Is anybody out there?" ref. Cheryl, THE EVIL DEAD....
Posted by Brandon777 (Member # 4014) on :
In order to not be a victim in a 80's horror flick:
1. Get a car that starts.
2.Wear shoes with good traction so you won't slip and fall down when you run.
3. Don't engage in premarital sex.
Posted by Brode (Member # 3732) on :
I forgot the most important rule: As soon as the string quartet holds on one note for a long time, start effing running.
Posted by ISIS (Member # 1780) on :
Those are all hysterical, and I was making mental notes of them, because I plan on watching a scary movie tonight...it is from the 90's, but I heard it was ok...it is called Stranger in the House, and it is suppose to be about a girl who has a Bed N Breakfast and these robbers come and stay there. Valley says it should definately make me wanna run out and take my sign down out of my yard, after watching it.
It has Michelle Greene in it, and Kathleen Kinmont, and they both did 80's movies.
And I looked it up on IMDB, and I think the one guy is Steve Railsback, and I am pretty sure he played Charles Mansun in Helter Skelter, so I should be scared crazy later tonight.
The only thing is....I gotta see it ....just to see if they get away, and I'll take notes...just incase, ya never know-
I could get some crazy Goof come stay with me, and try and take advantage of me- Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
Me and my best friend were watching one of the FRIDAY THE 13th's the other day and the guy said to the girl (in the middle of the woods) "Gotta take a leak" and then proceeded to walk off a mile to take a leak. Now...heres some advice....never walk more than 5 steps aways from your "buddy" when you have to p*ss in the woods.Safety in numbers. The second one of you gets out of eye-shot BOOM! Someones getting an axe in the face.
Posted by ValleyCat (Member # 1322) on :
If you decided to investigate the creepy noises that you should be already running from and suddenly a cat jumps out of nowhere. Don't let your guard down as you let out that sigh of relief because the killer is right behind you.....cripes too late. Posted by ISIS (Member # 1780) on :
That is so true...stay away from those goofy cats...they spell D-E-A-T-H, fer sure.
Birds don't do you any good either. Posted by Obscurus Lupa (Member # 2700) on :
Brode- Bwaha! Good advice.
If you're the sole black person in the group, you'd better pull a Michael Jackson or get the heck out of there.
If you're in Evil Dead territory: Don't be a woman.
Don't joke around and be annoying or you'll either a) be hacked up by the killer or b) your "friends" are gonna take care of you for him.
Who else thinks we need a female slasher? I mean, I've never seen Club Dread and it looks like there's a woman as the killer from the cover, but you never know. I guess Urban Legend could count--but, y'know, it's never fun unless you get to see the slasher in a million sequels and slowly decay into a goofy, pale image of their former selves.
But I don't watch many horror movies anyway.
Posted by ISIS (Member # 1780) on :
Silent Scream, the killer is a woman, and she is the scariest thing I have ever seen.
If the light bulb burns out, is knocked out, or the lights don't work period, and when the phone lines are cut...say good-bye.
Posted by Sam MILF Hunter Hain (Member # 3150) on :
Obscurus there was a female slasher. In the first Friday the 13th the killer was Jasons mother Mrs. Vorhees
Posted by Anna Sullivan (Member # 4010) on :
1.Always run up the stairs or into the basement when you should be running out the front door.
2. Never think to use your mobile phone when trouble is at hand (although, to be fair, they weren't very common then)
3. Never engage in immoral behaviour altoghether. Not just sex but drinking, drugs will get you killed.
4. Always lock yourself in protective custody on the anniversary of any past horrific event a.k.a Halloween. The past is sure to recur!!!
Posted by Anna Sullivan (Member # 4010) on :
5. Oh, and, always be sure you're the main character, they usually get away with nothing more than a few scratches and a touch of post-traumatic-stress-disorder. If you're an extra or a popular sub character, you're stuffed.
Posted by Obscurus Lupa (Member # 2700) on :
When I said female slasher, I mean one spawning a million sequels that just get funnier and more ludicrous with each one. But then again, I probably wouldn't watch them anyway. And I knew about the first Friday the 13th and Jason's mother.
Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
No the killer in CLUB DREAD wasnt a woman. (If I remember correctly) BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD MOVIE!
The killer in HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME was a woman...and the "ummmmm"..."sort of killer" in APRIL FOOLS DAY.....but your right.....we need one that can star in movies that run Part One through Part Twelve. I'm sure between the bunch of us we can come up with a decent script!
Posted by Brode (Member # 3732) on :
Club Dread was pretty funny. Me and my friends still call girls named Penelope "Peenalope".
Posted by Stitchgroover (Member # 2895) on :
One half of the killers in Scream 2 was a female, as was Rebecca Gayheart in Urban Legends (and I think she still is)
I can't really think of any others. But can you imagine -
"Nightmare on Elm Street: Winifred Krueger is Back!"
"Halloween 28: Michelle Myers Secret Operation"
"Friday 13th Part 42: Jasmine Vorhees' Time of the Month"
Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
That reminds me. Does Angela from SLEEPAWAY CAMP count?????
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