Throughout the course of time there has been one aspect of Bad Hollywood Cinema that has remained pure and untarnished: The High School Slasher movie. From Trick or Treat and Slaughter High to Scream, the High School Slasher keeps coming back and rarely leaves us unsatisfied. Now I realize that there have been a few high school flicks out there that suck... but for every poor one there are usually one or two good ones. Not to mention many standard horror movies are mistaken for high school slashers. For example: Slumber Party Massacre II involves high school students, but doesn't actually take place in the high school therefore it is not a HSS. In addition to general setting the majority of the deaths must take place in the high school itself or at least on the campus. While The Slumber Party Massacre has the killer make use of the school surroundings for a proving ground for his killing methods, it is not a high school slasher flick because the majority of the kills do not take place in a high school setting. High school slasher (especially of the late 80's) are our best entertainment value. They have plenty of stereotypical high school characters (jocks, sluts, prisses, and, of course, nerds) ready to be killed, creative deaths with various high school sundries, and, as i would say: "Titties man, Sex, Sex, Sex!
Dispite its often confusing plot structure RETURN TO HORROR HIGH is a great high school slasher. Several years ago a psychopath went to Crippen High School with a need to kill; so he did and left without a trace. Cosmic Pictures has come to the now abandoned Crippen High School to make a film based on the killings. Since filming began most of the crew has been killed or are missing. The cops are on the case and the only explination are the ramblings of the quite disturbed writer.
Ever been sat on by a Buddha (or a girl in a sundress the size of a Buddha)? For those of you who haven't, let me tell you what it's like. First you get real hot. Then you get real disoriented and confused. However, once you realize where you are, you don't mind so much and you have a good time dispite it all. RETURN TO HORROR HIGH is much like a gigantic Manatee in a sundress being sent to keep you from you daily chores... confusing. There are cuts from the present to the past and back to the present; scenes that look like killings then turn out to be a scene from the movie being made; and Masha Brady being an erotic (not neurotic) cop... Snazzy. Once you stop thinking about the dizzying camera effects and the power mise-en-scene you can't help but throughly enjoy watching the heads roll (or fly in the air for that matter). The kills in this are what make it well worth your while. Several heads are chopped off, one kid is subjected to death by propeller, and poor Panchito is sucked into a hole. Did I mention George Clooney's in it... he's the first to go. Sure it's not as powerful as some of the late, great KUROSAWA's work, but entertaining none the less.
CAPTAIN RHODES Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
Doesnt someone get eaten by kitty litter in this one? I say "Thumbs down" Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus and it IS possible to hate a movie that has Marcia Brady and George Clooney in it!
Posted by rhodes (Member # 3293) on :
Kitty liter i am going to pull this one out of my stash if that scene is in there thats ****in awsome
Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
Awhile back we were talking about RETURN TO HORROR HIGH on here and someone put up a link to a hilarious review of it...with pictures from the "best" scenes etc. Thats why I remember the kitty litter so vividly. Let me look through old topics and see if I can find it for you. (You would appreciate the way this guy writes too...he has a very salty vocabulary!) Be right back.
Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
Oh foo! I cant find the damn thing. well someone gets consumed by a pan of somethin gravelly that at least LOOKS like kitty litter...maybe it was quicksand. Whatever! LOL!
![[Karate Kid]](graemlins/kkcirc.gif)