And yes these are my reviews i do admit they are a few years old but hey they still stand up .
For anyone who has seen any of the fantastic Phantasm movies, you know that they offer only the best in mindless stupidity without any regard for plot, sense, or taste. For this simple reason these films stand among the elite few that qualify as one of my favorites . Phantasm 2 is no exception. As a matter of fact, Phantasm 2 stands as the BEST film in the entire series and anyone who STILL has not seen this classic bad horror movie deserves to be mercilessly flogged with piano wire by your local chapter of the Gay Sons of Roman Veterans and thrown into the pit of oral woe with the other whores who deemed themselves too proper to experience this mind blowing flick!
Some of you might be asking," Okay, so what's the plot?" While some may say that this is a stupid question, I would respond the there are NO stupid questions, only stupid people. So for all you retards out there, here it is: Mike and everybody's favorite kick *** ice cream man from the original (and unknown Doobie Brother), Reggie, engage in a cross country hunt for the Tall Man and his munchkin minions after they roast Reggie's family in a giant inferno that will have you laughing your *** off when you see the look on Reggie's face! It's like he caught his Mom in bed with his sister...you have to see it to believe it! What ensues is a cross country spree of *** kicking that is nothing but scene after scene of munchkin stomping, death ball dodging mayhem that has to be not only seen, but experienced as well!
Now that you know the plot, ****ING RENT THIS MOVIE NOW ! This movie simply has it all and stands as one of the best bad movies EVER MADE! Stupid dialogue, mutant midgets, bad *** weapons, death bearing steel balls, and TITTIES are all here and thrust into nearly every scene. I know what you're thinking. How can titties be in every scene? Well, when there aren't female titties on the screen, REGGIES' out of shape *** provides tits aplenty when the females aren't able to provide! Some of the outstanding scenes in this one that have to be seen to consider yourself a true bad horror movie fan are the chainsaw duel scene, the battle with the steel balls when one of the Tall Man's henchmen has his hand pinned by the bastard and takes desperate measure to escape the second steel ball flying round the corner, the awesome reaction of Grandma when she discovers a special companion that is sleeping in the bed with her, and the awesome final battle with the Tall Man that will be rewound a least a dozen times to see one of the best endings ever made. Also, if all of this isn't enough, you have to see this movie for the ridiculous and awesome weapons that Reggie and Mike create to combat the Tall Man and his army of darkness. The shotgun ranks as one of the coolest ideas to ever grace the bad movie scene. And if for some reason you don't agree then me and the Tall Man have a little agreement to deal with your slobbering bitch ***. In exchange for a Kit Kat, your mother will handcuff herself to her ankles while six of those freaky steel balls will all attach to a single string which the Tall Man will slowly insert into her worn out anus one by one. While your mother is screaming in ecstacy, I will be playing the theme to Airwolf on my CASIO 2000 keyboard and enjoying hearing your mother scream homage to CAPTAIN RHODES as the SUPREME KUNG FU GENIUS! SO WATCH IT NOW YOU FREAK OR ME AND THE TALL MAN WILL COME A CALLING AND EAT ALL YOUR BOO-BERRY CEREAL! CAPTAIN RHODES APPROVES! Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
Nope. I liked the first PHANTASM better. Part two is not without it's charms but Part One was just way cooler...and I dont mean in a so-bad-it's-good way...it's a legit good horror movie. I never saw parts three and four and wonder if they're any good.Any one?
Posted by Eddie Wilson (Member # 169) on :
I like everyone of them. 3 and 4 are very strange. But 1 and 2 are awesome....they are the best. One of my most prized posessions is an auotgraph from Angus Scrimm aka The Tall Man
Posted by Canyoudigit. (Member # 2703) on :
I loved the Phantasm films, but these days they feel very cheap and generic.
Maybe i'm just a little jaded as regards to the horror genre?
[ 11. December 2004, 20:57: Message edited by: Canyoudigit. ]
Posted by rhodes (Member # 3293) on :
Here is a review i wrote about 4 years ago on Phantasm 3: Lord of the Dead
You ****ed your pants at the end of the first one...you creamed your BVD's during the second one...well get ready to **** yourself senseless when you pop in Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead! No **** people, Phantasm III carries on the tradition of the first two phenomenal Phantasm movies with utter disregard for taste or class...and that's why i love it so much! Not only do you get to see more ball busting action and special effects, but you also get to see black titties, an utter rarity in the annals of horror films! If you don't believe me, then go ahead and toss out the last horror movie that you saw some black titties in and I'll give you an action photo of CAPTAIN RHODES in his low rider stance! But before I give too much of the movie away, here is a quick plot summary:
Picking up where the last Phantasm left off, we find out that the Tall Man wasn't killed in the second one like we were all so foolish to believe. On the contrary, he is alive and kicking it and back to wreck havoc on Mike and Reggie once again. Oh, did I forget to mention? Reggie's back as well. If you were foolish enough to believe that a character as cool as Reggie would die, then you deserve to have the spheres pop out of your urine stream after a long night of humping your sister. The fact is that he is back and along with Mike they continue their senseless cross-country quest to put a stop to the Tall Man and his spheres of death once and for all! Oh, and did I forget to mention? They have a few friends this time around as well in the form of Mike's long dead brother Jody, a well armed kid whose parents were killed by the Tall Man and his balls of STEEL, and an absolutely phenomenal black girl named Rocky who not only rocks ***, but rocks Reggie's *** as well! That's right kiddies, Reggie's got JUNGLE FEVER!
With all of these kick *** elements, Phantasm III takes off from the very begining and doesn't let up until the credits start to roll! All of the mindless action that i have have grown to love and adore in the Phantasm films is here in full effect! There are several scenes in this film that are simply priceless and demand to be seen. One of these golden moments occurs in the beginning of the film where we are finally allowed to see the vaunted four barreled shotgun used to full effect. The carnage that ensues once Reggie begins blasting the trees to clear out the midgets is incredible and satisfies every craving that I have ever had to destroy the little people...those little bastards with their pudgy hands, turbo waddle style of walking, big *** ****s and crazy cool charm...****ing your woman while you're hard at work perfecting your lotus nut grabber technique at the dojo...DIE YOU LITTLE BASTARDS, DIE! OK, easy CAPTAIN, you're past that man! You're a strong, sensitive Kung Fu villain with ultra fresh breath and DAMN IT, whole provinces cringe at the mention of your name...plus your sucking on Jennifer Love Hewitt-Te's huge titties...OK, I feel a whole lot better, Now back to the review. Are there any more scenes worth a ****, you ask? Well hold on to your sphincters because this movie is chock full of them! Another scene that is well worth your time is the hospital scene in the beginning of the film. When Reggie takes a nice fat yellow splooge shot in the mouth from one of those crazy spheres the look on his face is classic as his face contorts in a hilarious mixture of fear and revolt! Or if that's not good enough for you you should try the tomahawk to the face scene when the kid is about to be captured. But without a doubt, the best part of the entire movie is the mausoleum scene where Reggie, Rocky and the kid take on the Tall Man and his minions. Once you see the sphere hit Mach 5 and fly through this one chick's face you will be in Bad Movie heaven as the effect is so awesome as to leave you in hysterical awe! I just can't seem to say enough about Phantasm III. Although there are a few slow parts in the film, overall it never fails to deliver the same mindless and hilarious stupidity that the other two films do and continues the tradition of the Phantasm movies to deliver you shameless and memorable scenes that rank among the best in bad horror movies today! For those of you who don't agree, bite me. Or better yet, me and the Tall Man are going to make an encore appearance in your mother's bedroom...just like when you refused to watch Phantasm II. Only this time, the Teletubbies will be running the train on you mother's *** while the Tall Man does the Dirty Bird to CAPTAIN RHODES Casio Keyboard interpretation of Salt N Pepas' "Push It." Save yourself this horror and rent this movie now! CAPTAIN RHODES DEFINITELY APPROVES! Posted by Jessicka Rabid (Member # 2479) on :
Here's a couple photos I took with the star of Phantasm Reggie Bannister and the director, Don Coscarelli!!
I love Phantasm! I just wish parts 2 and 3 would get United States dvd releases!! Posted by mamamiasweetpeaches (Member # 1715) on :
"A horror movie with black -------": I'm not sure but Pam Grier was in BLACULA part Two and I would assume she showed her "National Treasures" in that...unless it was rated PG. But up to date I dont think I've ever seen Pam in anything where she didnt lose her top.(Wait...maybe CLASS OF 1999....)
Posted by Devolution (Member # 1731) on :
Devolution here,
It was all a dream...
NO IT'S NOT.
We are DEVO
Posted by Canyoudigit. (Member # 2703) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jessicka Rabid: Here's a couple photos I took with the star of Phantasm Reggie Bannister and the director, Don Coscarelli!!
You are a swell looking Babe Jessicka, that picture will warm my winter nights, yes indeedy.
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